2ww

I am almost at the end of this 2ww. I had high hopes for it (if you catch my drift), but I am beginning to have serious doubts about it. It hasn't helped that MIL has decided to try and "help" by giving me little articles cut out of her magazines on Tips for Infertility, or How to Get Pregnant, or How to Ensure That You Have a Boy. I informed her yesterday, that if the Lord were to bless me with a child again, I really could care less if it was a boy or a girl. I also told her that if the Lord saw fit to give me more than one at a time - that was going to be just fine too. She really didn't have much to say after that. And mind you, she is saying a lot of this in front of SIL#1 that has never been able to have children either.

Last Friday was a really hard day for me. It marked six months since my little angel went to heaven. And it was SIL#3's youngest 1/2 birthday. She was all excited about it, but it is like everyone has forgotten what happened to me. Maybe it really isn't a big deal to some, but to me it is. I was already so incredibly in love with my child and I will never get the opportunity to see her face, count her little toes, kiss her cute upturned nose, discover if her eyes are green or blue or even brown.

Next Friday is supposed to be a little group Christmas Party. I say supposed to, because even though we do it every year, there is always some sort of drama every year. This year has been no different so far. The day I made the reservations, one couple canceled (who just happens to be SIL#3 and BIL) which seemed to upset GF. She wanted to me cancel the reservation and we find someplace else to go so everybody could go. I guess in theory, that sounds great, but I had HAD it!!! I told her, that was fine, I would cancel the reservations, and they could pick the place and go wherever they wanted to. I realize now that it sounds rather petty, but good grief Gerty! Either you can go or you can't. Either you want to or you don't. Don't be wishy washy about it. I tried to best before I made the reservations to find something that would work for everyone. But if people don't tell me there may be a problem, I won't know. I AM NOT A MIND READER! So GF ended up called me back a few hours later and told me not to cancel the reservations, we would just go with out them. She was saying that next year we could ALL go and it would all be good. But I am so hopeful that next year I WON'T be going because I will have a little one to care for. As for the supposed part....I am not convinced yet that we will be going. I am sure that something else will come up and I may end up having to cancel yet!

I am 3 days out from "D-DAY". DH is going to want me to test that day, I am sure, but I am going to try and wait a few days.