Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Busy, Busy and still nothing to show for it


- I can't believe I have gone from posting every few days to every few weeks. I feel like life is going nonstop. I guess this is a good thing, because it stops me from thinking. But once it hits usually feels like I have been punched in the gut. Case in point ............. standing in a store last week watching my family sort through some of the racks. I leaned against the wall to "take a load off". It hit me .............. the last time I was in that particular store, I was pregnant and purchased some maternity clothes and baby items. 10 days later I miscarried. SLEDGE HAMMER! I just started to bawl.

- DD and I had a good time with the family. I am glad I went. I don't look forward to family reunions, but I want DD to know her family. I think she had a good time. She certainly got a lot of attention. And of course people kept asking if she wanted to be a big sister :-( Bless her, but each time she would reply "My baby sister is in heaven with the angels." And no, I did not coach her to say that. She came up with that all on her own.

- My relationship with SIL#1 is come to a halt. I have never gone into the background of things, but her and I did not get along for years. It was amazing to me when we finally did. I loved it. I never had a sister and DH loves his, so I was happy for all of us that we were finally getting along. Then BIL#1 and his "friend" happened. And by "friend" I mean "girlfriend". It was horrible!!! But he came home. We thought all was good. Unfortunately, I have just recently found out that his "friend" is still around. SIL#1 thinks everything is going great in her life. She is pregnant, her husband is home and they are going to have a little family. But I keep getting phone calls from other people telling me things about BIL#1 and his "friend". I tried to mention some of this to SIL#1, and she knows that the "friend" is still around and has even heard some of the rumors, but she honestly thinks nothing is going on. She still thinks I may have had something to do with his "friend" finding out she is pregnant. I haven't seen her since Mother's Day and it was very awkward and uncomfortable. She and DD are very close, but I don't need DD around this situation. I really think it is all going to blow up and it isn't going to be pretty.

- I am currently in a new 2ww. I have no symptoms, but the last two months I have had a ton of them and obviously wasn't pregnant. So, I am just trying to wait...............patiently.............not one of my best talents :-)

Hope everyone is doing well. Leslie, I can't wait for another update!!!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Not much....

I have written so many posts in my mind and had so many topics and things to say. Now.... I don't have much.

Discovered that my positive OPK was just a fluke.
Aunt Flo made a raging comeback.
DD has still not been well.
DH is working a lot.
I have been working a lot.
Work has been hell.

I need a vacation!!! And the only break I am getting is a 14 hour road trip with DD and I to go to a small family reunion. AM I NUTS!~?~!~? YES!!

I am going to go ahead and use the OPK's this week to see what is going on, but most likely, if my body does cooperate, it will be when I am out of town. Then of course, I will be wondering the entire time I am gone if this is it. Is this the month. Even though I have stopped taking the drugs, I just can't seem to stop living this two week cycle. I guess I have been doing it for so long that it is just habit and a way of life for me.

SIL#1 is now 12 weeks along. We are also no longer speaking. Let's just say that her husband has a little "friend" on the side and she (the little "friend") has accused me of something (I have NEVER even had a one on one conversation with this tramp) and they have chosen to believe her over me. Nice, huh! So I have pretty much pulled myself out of their lives. Since we are in the same family, we still have to see each other, and my DD adores them so it is a little hard. But I will no longer be sending her to stay with them, or to spend any amount of time with them alone. I just can't believe that they are choosing this little two bit hussy over family and that my SIL is actually going along with this. Unbelievable!!!

On that note, I must go!