So far this week is starting out better. Except for the fact that I was supposed to call my OB back on Friday and I never did. I should have started the Femara yesterday, but since I never called the doc back....................And before I can start the Femara, I have to have a negative PG test. As of Saturday, it was still showing a faint positive. I called my doc today and I can start taking it tonight. So after work, I will head off to the pharmacy (where hopefully there won't be any problems like there was last month) and then I get to go home to pee on another stick to "hopefully" see a BFN. ( I NEVER thought I would think, much less type a sentence like that). If it is still positive there will be no Femara this month. This was supposed to have been my final month of actively attempting conception. So now, if it is a "no go" this month, I have to decide if I will continue to do this. I will already have the Femara (and it costs plenty), so we could attempt it again next month. I have also been toying with the idea of extending my self-imposed deadline by three months but I came up with this "end date" before I ended up pregnant last year. I really don't want to still be trying when I am in my 50's (slight exaggeration there!!!), in fact, I didn't want to still be trying while I was in my 40's, but there is where I am headed. If we continue for another 3 months, and I were to conceive and actually carry a baby to term, I would be giving birth right before my 40th birthday. Is that NUTS???? I thought it was crazy to have a baby in my mid 30's!!! Like I said............big decisions!
Talked with SIL#1 this week-end. She is doing well. They transferred 2 embryos and froze 2. She feels okay, but is having little twinges along with a raging cold and is constantly worried that she is going to cough or sneeze the embryos right out of her uterus. She is going to have a pregnancy test done on Thursday and if it is positive then she will have an u/s three weeks after that. It is amazing to me how I can be both so incredibly happy for her right now knowing that she has two little bundles of cells in her womb hopefully dividing like crazy, while at the same time so incredibly jealous for the exact same reason. I sooooooo wanted us to be pregnant together and our babies to be born around the same time. I sooooooooooo want her to be able to experience what I have with my DD. Pray!!! I just have to pray!!!!!
1 comment:
I completely understand your mixed feelings, and the best thing you can do is not beat yourself up for it. It's a shame that things don't happen on our timelines and it becomes harder and harder to accept.
I hate that you're still having to wrestle with the jedi mind trick of the positive pregnancy test because I know you must want for it to show up with a nice deep, pink line. It must be really hard.
I'm thinking of you and praying for solace and trust in The Plan. That's the theme of my prayers this week.
Thinking of you.
Post a Comment