When you are dealing with IF and your life is measured in small increments while you are trying to keep everything straight so you don't miss "the day" when your little miracle might occur, and doing laundry, cooking and keeping a child entertained.............who has time for drama in someone else's life?? I don't! But it is beginning to feel like everyone wants to tell me everything that is going wrong with them! I have honestly started hitting that cute little "ignore" button on my phone when it rings (I am in love with that thing!). Then I listen to their voice mail at my leisure and I just reply to it (which means it just goes to their voicemail) and I never have to actually talk to them. Of course the downside to this, is I don't get a lot of actual adult contact these days, but I am okay with that.
My life is enough drama. And yes, I know that most of them do not know what is going on with me right now. I chose not to share with them and let them in to that part of my life. I just really don't want all of the questions.
I don't really have any other news right now. I am in the pitiful 2ww and I am having no symptoms either way right now. I should know for sure by St. Patty's day (if not sooner). I am trying to not get my hopes up. SIL#1 goes for her egg retrieval this week and the transfer will be the beginning of next week. I would love for us to be pregnant together. I know that it is going to be hard on both of us if one of us gets pregnant and the other one doesn't. I am certainly not saying that if I am not pregnant I don't want her to be pregnant. I just mean that it will be hard to watch another life being formed knowing that I am not also blessed. I felt that way when SIL#3 was pregnant and then when Sweet Girl was born, I wasn't even able to hold her (of course this was just days after I miscarried). I love that sweet baby to death, but I always think of what I lost when I am snuggling with her. I just don't want that to happen again. But this is SIL#1's third attempt at IVF and I really, really want it to work for her.
If you have a little time, say a little prayer for her and I both. And Leslie......I am praying for you this week! :-)
1 comment:
You are so sweet! I appreciate you so much!!! :)
I understand about your ambivalence about wanting people you love to be happily pregnant, but wanting it so badly yourself. It's one of the hardest parts of this journey.
I'm pulling for you and praying!
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