Look out 2009!!

I am so ready for a new year. 2008 just wasn't the year it was cracked up to be. What I had thought was going to be a wonderful year.......quite frankly.......sucked. There was tons of drama among the IL's family. We lost our sweet angel. The relationship with the parents has gone down the toilet. Relationship with GF is also down the toilet. Financially, we are not where we need to be. Our house is in dire need of some repairs/upgrades. I have been unable to get pregnant again. (which is probably what makes the year so crappy!)

The parents.....it has been really strained with them for a while now, but I had made several attempts. I went and visited them a couple of times. I phoned. But finally it hit me. I was doing all of this. The only time the mother would phone was if she was out shopping and needed to ask a question. The dad would phone occasionally, but then again, I had always been a daddy's girl. Finally I refused to go visit them during the holidays. It had been TWO years since they had come our way. If they wanted to see us and DD they were going to have to come here. I did cave in and finally asked them to come for Christmas. And they did!!! I was shocked! But after the first day, I was ready for them to leave. It was just uncomfortable and I really could not explain why. They did end up leaving early and I was soooo okay with it. And except for the phone call when they arrived home, I have not talked to them since. This was the first year of my life that I did not speak to my parents on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day or New Years Eve. I realized I had always been the one to do the calling. They can call me.

GF.....I did try to call her. She wasn't home so I spoke with her DH. She never called me back. Not surprising really, but very disappointing. I am so wanting to just end it, but our kids are friends so I may not be able to completely dismiss it. However, I am going to figure out a way where I am not at her beck and call like I have been the last couple of years.

Baby.....I took a small dose of Clomid and then realized that my parents were going to be here when I was supposed to be ovulating. I went ahead and tested anyway, but it was negative. I was not surprised but very disappointed. On a whim, I tested the day my parents left (since they left early) and there was a slight positive....OMG!!! I had been ovulating so early that I was shocked! Finally on day 15 I got a BIG positive. So I am thinking that those few months where I didn't think I was ovulating, I may have been ovulating late. So I guess technically, I am in the 2ww, but since I have been ovulating I think I will be late.......hopefully I will be 9 months late :-)

So for 2009, I wish for better relationships.....with the IL's, with the parents, friends. I wish for some stability financially that we are able to make some improvements to our home and if the Lord sees fit this year, I would really like to take a REAL vacation. I also am praying for a baby. This is my last chance. If I don't have a baby this year, my DD will be an only child. I am not going to continue to put myself, my husband and my DD through this anymore.

So what are you wishing for this year?